Photography by JD Havens
If invitations offer your first opportunity to set the tone for your wedding, then thank-you notes should be the way to leave a lasting impression of the event. Though it may seem like nothing but a must-do chore, the task of relaying your thanks is often a rewarding one. From creating a thank-you note that reflects your style to knowing the proper protocol and time frame, expressing gratitude can become an exercise of grace.
Missed Manners
First, realize that every gift—from tangible items and cash gifts, to social events held in your honor and gifts of time or talent—should be acknowledged in writing. Whether your young cousin sang at the ceremony or your fiancé's family hosted out-of-town guests, you need to provide written recognition to everyone who helped make the wedding magical. Did a vendor go above and beyond to meet your expectations? Pick up your pen and say thanks. Jan Corradini of Sarah B. Fine Stationery in Madison suggests keeping a detailed record of who gave you what and who you've thanked so far. "You don't want to mix them up, duplicate or forget anyone," she says.
Second, in this fast-paced world of e-mails and instant messages, hand-written, personal notes remain the standard of courtesy. "I steer brides away from pre-printed notes," says Heather Martens-Raffel of Sugar River Stationers in Verona. "Most would not consider that a heart-felt way to say thank you." Simply signing store-bought cards is a no-no; and in many designers' eyes, sending store-purchased thank-you cards breaks the continuity of your wedding stationery. "Everything should tie together," says Lee Heinrich, owner and designer of Belle & Ivy Designs in Mequon. "They don't have to look exactly alike, but you should set the tone of your wedding through your invitations, programs, place cards and even the thank-you notes." Although it may seem tempting to take a shortcut, using pre-printed notes or writing a mechanical, fill-in-the-blank message to everyone shows little consideration. A general note of thanks on your wedding Web page is a good start, but it is not an acceptable substitute for personal notes of thanks.
Custom Creativity
Custom-designed thank-you notes can be a way to break away from the more traditional, safe styles many brides pick for their invitations. "Lots of couples want thank-yous with photos," says Missy Ballweg, owner of Paper Piper Designs. She offers one design that features a photo reprinted on vellum and slipped onto the front of a fold-over card with photo corners. "The recipients can then pull the photo out and keep it as a memento," Ballweg says.
Wondering what to do with all those candid shots taken at the reception with the disposable cameras you left for guests at each dining table? Ballweg designs some thank-you notes with a deep pocket so couples can share the snapshots with the photos' subjects, a way to bring back fond reception memories. One tip: Don't delay sending your thank-you notes because you're waiting on photos. Plan ahead so the pics will be ready to go at the right time.
Another popular choice for a thank-you note is a monogrammed card, which can really pop through the use of unique fonts. "Monograms are a classy choice for thank-yous," says Heinrich. The options for monogramming depend on whether or not you changed or hyphenated your last name. Haven't decided yet? Have your cards monogrammed with the first letters of your first names.
Timing is Everything
Ideally, one should recognize the gift with a note the day it is received, but with all the pre- and post-wedding bustle, you may end up with hundreds of notes to write and a sour attitude about what has become a tedious chore. To avoid that hassle, break it down into a daily goal of three or four thank-you notes. You'll whittle your list bit by bit, making it manageable, and notes written within a few days of opening the gift will seem more heartfelt and sincere. The bottom line is that timing really is everything. According to Peggy Post, author of Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette (Collins, 2005), the accepted standard is to send your personally written thank-you notes within three months of receipt of each gift. However, don't use lateness as an excuse not to write them at all. If you've fallen behind, buckle down and just do it. "Better late than never is always true with a note of appreciation," reminds Corradini.
Helpful Husbands
The days of the bride being solely responsible for the duty of writing thank-you notes are over. Today, the task is shared by couples, which can greatly cut down on the time spent writing the notes. "My husband and I spent a couple full weekend days writing our thank-yous," says Trisha Houghton, a newlywed from West Allis. "He wrote to his family and friends, and I wrote to mine. It really cut down on the time we had to spend." Does your new husband claim he can't get expressive on the page? Try having him dictate them out loud while you write. Once he gets the hang of it, switch roles and have him pick up the pen. Don't forget that your notes should express thanks from both of you, since most gifts are intended for you as a couple.
The amount of time and preparation put into most weddings today is significant, but don't let your thank-you notes get pushed to the back burner. "Thank-yous are the bride's way of thanking her guests for taking part in a very important day in her life," say Heinrich. "You need to give them as much thought as you would every other detail of your wedding day."
Thank-you How To's
Wedding stationery etiquette expert Jan Corradini of Sarah B. Fine Stationery shares a few tips on how to pen the perfect thank-you notes.
Writing the note soon after receiving the gift helps to make the note feel more spontaneous and genuine.
Start with an appreciation of the item, e.g., I'm looking right now at the unique pottery bowl you sent. It is the highlight of our dining room table. Mark and I are so grateful to you.
Mention how useful the gift will be, or how a cash gift will be used. Mark and I intend on filling the bowl with fresh fruit so we use it daily.
Sign-off with a suggestion of a future meeting or pleasure at having seen them at the wedding. We were both so happy you could share in our joy at the wedding. We plan on heading back east to Boston for the holidays and we look forward to seeing you then.
Wrap up with another expression of thanks. Again, thank you so much for the bowl and for your company on our wedding day.
